Another bunch of things I can't do in Algaesia
by Ministryofchaos
Summary: Title says it all. A newcomers guide on the dos and don'ts of Algaesia. Follow these rules for a happy and long life in the world of elves,dragons and stumpy garden gnomes!  Sorry, dwarves.


**I've had this on my profile for a while and only now I've decided to put it up. My apologies if some of the content looks repeated, that was not my intention. Enjoy!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own the inheritance cycle. If I did Brom would be alive instead of Arya.**

What not to do in Alagaesia

1. I must not yell that I've found another dragon and then proudly take a lizard out of my pocket.

2. I must not advise Eragon and Murtagh to go on The Jeremy Kyle show to talk about their "family issues."

3. It is stupid to sing or hum "hungry eyes" around Elva.

4. I must not call in supernanny/nanny 911 for Elva.

5. Brom is not to be mistaken for Gandalf, Dumbledore, or santa.

6. I must not tell the dwarves that snow white wants them to come home.

7. I must not tell the elves that santa wants them back by December 24.

8. I must not frequently throw Holy water at Elva and hiss "Devil child".

9. Asking the urgals if they were horny was only funny the first time.

10. It is not allowed, nor is it wise, to make fun of Durzas hair colour.

11. It is immature to take Oriks axe and hold it above my head so he cant reach it.

12. The Twins are not to be mistaken for Thing 1 and Thing 2, Fred and George Weasley, or Jedward.

13. I must not call Eragon a perve for watching Oromis undress.

14. I must not sing "Golden eye" continuously around Glaedr.

15. I must not paint a handicapp zone symbol on the ground of Tal Naeir for Oromis to park Glaedr.

16. Puff the magic dragon does not exist. Neither is it Thorns True name.

17. I must not tell Eragon that Selena isn't his mother...

18. ... and then tell him that the reason Arya's rejecting him is because SHE'S his mother.

19. It is not nessecary to dart around the Varden humming the tune of _mission impossible._

20. I must not compare Oromis to Yoda and Brom to Obi Wan.

21. I must not convince Thorn to call Murtagh Little Emo one.

22. I must not trick the elves into eating meat by giving them "veggie" burgers.

23. I must not throw one of those mice on a string at Solembum.

24. Solembums name does not translate as serious ass.

25. Rider swords are not to be confused with lightsabers.

26. I must not draw the gedwey ignasia on my palm and claim to be a Rider.

27. Finding amusement out of the word "Dragon Riders" is very immature.

28. I must not throw crackers at/throw birdseed at/ say "who's a pretty boy then?" to the Ra'zac.

29. I must not knock Orik unconcious and stand him in a garden with a fishing rod and pointy hat.

30. Katrina is not, on any level, to be compared to Mary sue bella Swan.

31. "I'm the rider and I say we go!" is not the way to get everything I want.

32. I must not show Pokemon or Yu gi oh cards to the elves and claim them to be real creatures.

33. I must not tell Saphira that if she mates with Thorn, because of their colour mixes, she will create Spyro.

34. It is not nessecary to sing _Break your heart _by Taio Cruz every time I pass Arya and Eragon.

35. It is both stupid and childish to teach Eragon Irish and tell him its the ancient language.

36. I must not tell Eragon that Galbatorix is his father.

37. I must not dye Murtaghs hair pink, and then say its so he can match Thorn.

38: Murtagh is not to be confused with Legolas, nor is Eragon to be confused with Luke Skywalker.

39. I must not at random times each day ride through the Varden wearing a wig yelling "To arms! The empire is coming! The empire is coming!"

40. I must not threaten Murtagh by saying randomly "I'll get you my pretty, and your little dragon too."

41. It is not wise to greet Solembum by singing Whats new pussycat.

42. I must not persuade Solembum to eat Blagden.

43. It is not funny to constantly refer to Orik as Shortie or Shawty.

44. "Bippity boppity boo" is not the magic spell required to defeat Galbatorix.

45. It is not nessecary to shout "Thunderbirds are GO!" everytime Saphira takes off.

46. I must not "borrow" rider swords and poke Murtagh with them.

47. I must not ask Brom millions of random pointless questions.

48. Angela is not to be mistaken with professor Trelawney.

49. I must not convince Oromis to call Eragon "grasshopper."

50. I must not at random parts of the day scream "Galbatorix is coming! ON SHRUIKAN!" Then laugh and say "Gotcha!"

51. I must not try to reinact the Fast food song (Kentucky fried chicken and a pizza hut) in front of the elves and claim it to be a new level of Rimgar.

52. Nor is the macarena a new level of Rimgar and I should stop insisting that it is.

53. Brom is not my "sugar daddy." I should stop telling people that he is.

54. I must not enter Saphira/Thorn/ Glaedr in the Tri wizard tournament.

55. Its immature to ask Eragon "Is there ANYBODY in this book series who ISN'T your dad?

56. Murtagh does not need to "Take a chill pill" so I should stop telling him he needs to.

57. Galbatorix bears no resemblence whatsoever to Hitler, Mussolini, or George W. Bush.

58. It is not wise at all to saw "I thawt I thaw a putty cat" when Solembum is in his boy form. When he turns angrily back into cat form I must not shout excitedly "I DID! I did thaw a putty cat!"

59. I must not convince the Varden kids to make a tree house in the Menoa tree.

60. I am not allowed to enter Saphira/Glaedr/Thorn in the Chinese new year parade.

61. I must not continuously sing Can't touch this and ask Roran to join in at the line _hammer time!_. Or refer to him as MC hammer.

62. I must not stand in the middle of Farthen Dur and yell _HEIIIIIIGH HOOOOOO!._

63. It is unnessecary before Saphira takes off to go through the air safety routine, no matter how good a fake and preppy air hostess voice I can do.

64. Likewise it is unnessecary when Saphira lands to say Thank you for flying with Saphira Airlines, please remain seated until the aircraft has come to a complete stop.

65. Brom does not need to "Chillax".

66. Eragon's True Name is not "Hiccup".

67. Veterinari is not Galbatorixs True Name.

68. I do not need to build runways for Saphira and Glaedr to land on.

69. It is immature and incredibly mean to tell Eragon that he actually buried Brom alive and that he wasn't expecting to wake up from his nap in an unbreakable diamond tomb with very little air.

70. The reason for the Ra'zacs evilness is NOT because they had a bad upbringing. I should stop calling in family councillors to talk to them and the Lethrblaka.

**Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed it, please review. Ministryofchaos.**


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